Still swimming alone in the lake

These past two days have been full of college lessons. This is serious business now, unlike high school and I can't be messing around.

First, I ate 5 of those cookies we made (the five that Carl left for me) and quickly became so high I couldn't do anything. Scary high. The high everyone talks about when you eat to many pot-whatevers and you can't even handle yourself. And it stayed that way for the entire night, and I couldn't finish my online homework. Which isn't so terrible except that I did that last time too. I got so distracted that I didn't finish it in time. So now that's two assignments in a row that I've missed, so it's good that I like chemistry and I understand what's going on.

Second, I procrastinated on an essay that I only had a few days to write up in the first place, and didn't start writing it until late the day before (today) and so now it remains unfinished. Luckily it's only a draft, and this draft doesn't even need to be turned in (that's two days from now). But I really need to sleep tonight because I have two midterms tomorrow, plus that writing class where I have to present with my group our project and then stress about not finishing that paper. I'm freaking out already and if it wasn't for the fact that I have super As in both Chem and FYW then I would probably have killed myself.

School is very serious when you are paying for it yourself. And speaking of which, I need a job! Hopefully that call center job happens and they overlook my faults on the voice-mail interview since I haven't really had a job before.

Anyway, good night! I'm not helping myself. I have to get up early and technically this means I'm still procrastinating on that essay by writing this blog post, but I can't help myself.

Where you been?

I'm excited to go to the concert tomorrow. I used to be a big fan of Gym Class Heroes, I don't think I know any of the songs by heart anymore though. I haven't listened to one of their albums in years. I wonder if they're still the same band, you know? I don't really know anything about the Dirty Heads either. I know one song, but really only the chorus, and in fact I didn't even know that band that sang it. Anyway, I am looking forward to it because I haven't been to a concert in two years now, I think, and it's the experience of it that I really want. Even if I don't know the bands, I'm just happy to go and dance, and hopefully hear some great music. However, I am kind of bummed because Carl's "dragging" me to this one, but I really wanted to go to a Das Racist concert last Thursday and didn't because I knew he didn't really know or like them. I guess it's different though since he's paying for the tickets, and I wouldn't make him pay for a concert he didn't want to see.

And speaking of paying for everything, he really needs to stop that. I really appreciate going out and doing all of this stuff, but he needs that money too and he's blowing it all on me. And it puts me in a weird place too because I want to reciprocate and can't, and now when I get a job instead of saving for college or food or for rent or whatever, I have to worry about paying him back. Or at least I do worry because I can't tell if he's serious about me being in debt to him or if it really is just an "I love you" thing.


So many things I worry about, and I'm so tired, and I miss Michigan and my family and my friends.
I have a lot of Bio Lab homework to start and finish though, and I have to get up very early tomorrow, so I can't write more.
Good night, whoever, myself.

You know Carl, you're really a dick sometimes. You mention taking me to a party, and then go without me anyway. You don't even tell me that you're going out for a party. And then after I confront you and I get upset, you get upset back. You try to make it seem like I'm the bad guy for getting mad at you for something that I should get mad at you about. It seems like you're not ever thinking of me, unless you're feeling upset because you had a hard day. You're obviously not thinking of me when you're out having a good time. You're not really thinking at all. I don't care if you didn't have a set party that you were going to. You went out with your friends in search of a party. You planned to party that night, without me. And that's great and all that you want to spend time with your new friends, but leaving your girlfriend behind is not the way to do that. You could have at least called me or something. This is like when you went to the movies with Steven Stark and didn't invite me or even tell me about it until afterwards. The reason I'm so upset about it is that you keep thinking for me. You tell yourself you are doing it for my interests. "Because you would have felt awkward." "Because you didn't need to be dragged into it."
Look, I know we're past the movie thing, and I'm not trying to sound like such a bitch, but could you try to see it from my point of view for once? I really wouldn't even have minded so much if you had just told me about it. It's more infuriating to find out that you weren't thinking of me at all then if you had just called me up to talk about it. You could have called me up and said, "Hey, me and some guys from my hall are going out and looking for a party tonight. I'm sorry but you won't be able to come with us. I'll bring you along next time."
 And as mad as I am that you didn't think about me when you went out, I'm even more angry that you made stupid decisions while you were there. You got drunk. Drunk enough to still be drunk the next morning, and drunk enough to have a hangover the rest of the day. He, who told me himself that he never "really gets drunk. I just get buzzed." I'm really disappointed, and I'm disappointed and upset because you told me you were coming to see me today. We only have the weekends to be together and you fucked it up because you wanted to party more than you wanted to be with me. And don't say that's not true because you would have put some more thought into what you were doing. And you wouldn't have called me up hours before you were even supposed to come over to tell me that you were too hungover to drive. You've got all fucking night to come over and you call me up at 2 pm to tell me that you can't make it? You're really lucky that tomorrow is Labor Day, and you can try and make it up to me.
I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I MOVED TO FLORIDA FOR YOU. I LEFT ALL THE THINGS I CARED ABOUT AND ALL OF MY FRIENDS SO THAT I COULD BE WITH YOU. And you, who says that I'm the best girlfriend ever and that you love me and miss me so much, can't make time for me for one day because you got drunk at a party, that you didn't even invite me to go with you to.


And don't even call me up later and get pissed about this because you're the one who fucked up here, and I'm not going to be sorry for being hurt by you over this.