Going shopping with my dad is the most depressing thing ever. It took all I had not to break down in the store. I waited until we had brought in all of the groceries and then went outside to the car and let it out. And listening to this song on repeat isn't helping matters either.
Well, I have successfully not finished my french project, but it is coming along. It's nothing special and the sentences took me about 2 minutes. It's the whole... project part of it that sucks. Oh well, it's my own fault for slacking. I'm sure I'll finish in time. Tomorrow morning anyway. I have to do english still, which is why I'm even on the computer. Because it's 20 to midnight and I'm making mac and cheese to help me fall asleep.
When my sister was making noodles earlier, I asked her if she wanted help. She told me I wasn't allowed to because I don't cook the noodles "right." This is what I told her:
"So. I don't care what way you or I make noodles. There's no right or wrong way. And do you think it's gonna win you points in the game of life if there is? Because I'll tell you right now, you ALWAYS LOSE the game of life. No matter how many 'points' you have."
Anyway, I came upon a realization today. I really miss being in physical pain. When I was at the store with my dad, I got a paper cut on my hand, so that whenever I moved my fingers, it would sting and burn. After a few minutes, I forgot I even had it and went to grab a magazine. Well, sure enough, the pain shot through me again and I looked at it. That's when I realized how much I missed sharing the happy thoughts of my pain to myself. I miss being able to look "through" my clothes and smile at what was underneath.
Not that I'm going to go back down that road, I just pine for the feeling again sometimes.
For some reason, this mac and cheese has an after taste of cinnamon donuts. Or maybe I'm just insane. Or even still, maybe I just want some. Both are very strong possibilities.
Sep 14, 2008
I guess the fever's going 'round.
OK, so Katie, Lizzi and I have created a myspace page for knowledge, ideas, and keeping up with what's going down. In the blight of teenage cliche's and all of the worthless writing that gives all of us who can compose anything worth a damn a bad name, we wanted a place where we could strut our stuff and show the world that we can actually do something meaningful. So basically, we have compiled all of the things that we find significant enough for others to know about into one convenient place. There you will find videos and directors, songs and bands, photos and photographers, articles and writers, and anything else that we see fit, to expand your knowledge or just plain entertain. We wanted something that isn't like everything else. We wanted something to inspire, and most of all we wanted something relevant to what actually matters.
So, for esperance in the scourge of shoddy media and compositions, we bring you: The Modern Rhode Island.
It will be updated every Sunday, so you can stay tuned for something different all of the time, and it's completely interactive. You can contribute to the site with suggestions for anything and everything on there. You can submit articles or comments or answers to the weekly question, or even just offer up something else you think would be suitable. Of course, you will have to follow some guidelines so that we don't end up full of shit like those other poor excuses for "info-tainment."
E-mail us anytime with anything you have to offer up. We haven't really gotten any articles on there, but of course, that's where you come in. The e-mail is the same as the site name, except with @yahoo.com on the end, and for all of you who actually are as stupid as I think you might be:
themodernrhodeisland@yahoo.com
So please, check it out and tell us what you think.
So, for esperance in the scourge of shoddy media and compositions, we bring you: The Modern Rhode Island.
It will be updated every Sunday, so you can stay tuned for something different all of the time, and it's completely interactive. You can contribute to the site with suggestions for anything and everything on there. You can submit articles or comments or answers to the weekly question, or even just offer up something else you think would be suitable. Of course, you will have to follow some guidelines so that we don't end up full of shit like those other poor excuses for "info-tainment."
E-mail us anytime with anything you have to offer up. We haven't really gotten any articles on there, but of course, that's where you come in. The e-mail is the same as the site name, except with @yahoo.com on the end, and for all of you who actually are as stupid as I think you might be:
themodernrhodeisland@yahoo.com
So please, check it out and tell us what you think.
Sep 13, 2008
What's life like bleeding on the floor?
Because that's what she's going to do.
Owing to the fact that I have just released a few years of repressed anger, I feel much better. And that talk last night helped a lot as well. I think we've cleared the airways a little and things will be much better for both of us. I think we really needed that. Then again, I could be wrong. I suppose we'll find out soon enough.
I know how horoscopes are really vague so that they can help everyone and never be wrong, but I think the one I got today was pretty specific and it threw me off balance a little bit.
It said, "You can try to settle back into an old relationship pattern today, yet it's wiser to try to push through the resistance and make the necessary changes in your plans for the future."- Which I know, is still kind of vague, but as compared with a lot of the other ones I've gotten in the past, it's pretty much hit the mark.
But all of that aside, I find the rain rather comforting today. I'm not sure why, it's just sort of befitting under all of the circumstances. I really want to just stay outside and get soaked, but it's not like spring rain, and I'll just end up cold and probably even more sick than I already am. It's nice to see our grass becoming green again. Possibly an indication of the future? Unlikely, but it never hurts to dream (as long as expectations are low, that is). I'm still not really feeling much hope about my situation and I doubt that's going to change, no matter how green our grass gets.
I have an as-of-yet-still-unused joint in my room. It could have been put to use last night, but there's something else I must tell you.
I don't like it when I'm high around you and you're not. Or vice versa. But the problem is, I don't like getting high with you either. And it really has nothing to do with you at all. I just don't like it when I'm not myself around you. I don't feel the same. And I guess, then it does have something to do with you because I don't really like when you're not yourself around me either. It's different when it's a friend who's high around me, or I'm high around them because I don't have the relationship with them that I do with you. I feel, almost, dishonest I guess. It just, feels wrong.
That is mostly the reason that I didn't want to last night. It really didn't have anything to do with Katie at all. And also, last night, it seemed like you really only cared about getting high than being there with me, and that just made it even less appealing to get high with you.
Well now that I've gotten the rest of that off of my chest, I feel like I can breathe again. Except, not literally because I'm still kind of sick so I can't breathe all that well.
In other news, I did order my homecoming dress finally and I'm excited about that. And I know for sure that I want to be Loonette for Halloween. The only problem is, I actually have to make the costume because the only costumes ever made of her where for toddlers, and I am clearly not a toddler. And also, it doesn't really make sense considering she was a teenager on the show. Then again, not too many teenagers watched that show except for, like, us, but we weren't actually teenagers at the time that we were watching it. We were like, 7; If that. But where the fuck am I going to find orange overalls? I think I'll probably end up sewing them myself or have my aunt do it or something. I did happen to have some good luck and found a set of instructions for making the costume online. It took like, an hour of searching, but perseverance paid off. I was almost thinking of going as Molly, but most people probably wouldn' t recognize me if I just wore a blue dress and a clown nose. Then again, I'm not sure if they'll recognize me in the first place, but it's a little more obvious.
And other than soothing my wounds with Life On The Murder Scene, nothing's really going on. Except for some reason my computer isn't recognizing contractions anymore and every single one is underlined in red right now. Also, I'm supposed to maybe be hanging out with Katie and Evan today, but I don't think that's going to happen. I just really don't feel like going out today and I haven't heard from her since noon, so... yeah.
P.S. Katie, thanks for drawing to his attention the lack of "Carl and Andreaness" that was going on last night. I really didn't want you to say anything at the time, but I guess that it worked out for the better because knowing myself, I would have avoided it forever and never mentioned it to him or anyone else and then I would be tearing myself apart from the inside. So thanks, my very observant friend/lover/rape victim/wife.
Owing to the fact that I have just released a few years of repressed anger, I feel much better. And that talk last night helped a lot as well. I think we've cleared the airways a little and things will be much better for both of us. I think we really needed that. Then again, I could be wrong. I suppose we'll find out soon enough.
I know how horoscopes are really vague so that they can help everyone and never be wrong, but I think the one I got today was pretty specific and it threw me off balance a little bit.
It said, "You can try to settle back into an old relationship pattern today, yet it's wiser to try to push through the resistance and make the necessary changes in your plans for the future."- Which I know, is still kind of vague, but as compared with a lot of the other ones I've gotten in the past, it's pretty much hit the mark.
But all of that aside, I find the rain rather comforting today. I'm not sure why, it's just sort of befitting under all of the circumstances. I really want to just stay outside and get soaked, but it's not like spring rain, and I'll just end up cold and probably even more sick than I already am. It's nice to see our grass becoming green again. Possibly an indication of the future? Unlikely, but it never hurts to dream (as long as expectations are low, that is). I'm still not really feeling much hope about my situation and I doubt that's going to change, no matter how green our grass gets.
I have an as-of-yet-still-unused joint in my room. It could have been put to use last night, but there's something else I must tell you.
I don't like it when I'm high around you and you're not. Or vice versa. But the problem is, I don't like getting high with you either. And it really has nothing to do with you at all. I just don't like it when I'm not myself around you. I don't feel the same. And I guess, then it does have something to do with you because I don't really like when you're not yourself around me either. It's different when it's a friend who's high around me, or I'm high around them because I don't have the relationship with them that I do with you. I feel, almost, dishonest I guess. It just, feels wrong.
That is mostly the reason that I didn't want to last night. It really didn't have anything to do with Katie at all. And also, last night, it seemed like you really only cared about getting high than being there with me, and that just made it even less appealing to get high with you.
Well now that I've gotten the rest of that off of my chest, I feel like I can breathe again. Except, not literally because I'm still kind of sick so I can't breathe all that well.
In other news, I did order my homecoming dress finally and I'm excited about that. And I know for sure that I want to be Loonette for Halloween. The only problem is, I actually have to make the costume because the only costumes ever made of her where for toddlers, and I am clearly not a toddler. And also, it doesn't really make sense considering she was a teenager on the show. Then again, not too many teenagers watched that show except for, like, us, but we weren't actually teenagers at the time that we were watching it. We were like, 7; If that. But where the fuck am I going to find orange overalls? I think I'll probably end up sewing them myself or have my aunt do it or something. I did happen to have some good luck and found a set of instructions for making the costume online. It took like, an hour of searching, but perseverance paid off. I was almost thinking of going as Molly, but most people probably wouldn' t recognize me if I just wore a blue dress and a clown nose. Then again, I'm not sure if they'll recognize me in the first place, but it's a little more obvious.
And other than soothing my wounds with Life On The Murder Scene, nothing's really going on. Except for some reason my computer isn't recognizing contractions anymore and every single one is underlined in red right now. Also, I'm supposed to maybe be hanging out with Katie and Evan today, but I don't think that's going to happen. I just really don't feel like going out today and I haven't heard from her since noon, so... yeah.
P.S. Katie, thanks for drawing to his attention the lack of "Carl and Andreaness" that was going on last night. I really didn't want you to say anything at the time, but I guess that it worked out for the better because knowing myself, I would have avoided it forever and never mentioned it to him or anyone else and then I would be tearing myself apart from the inside. So thanks, my very observant friend/lover/rape victim/wife.
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