I never conquered, rarely came.

So, I've been realizing lately that my self confidence has taken some blows. It's not that I completely hate myself or how I look or anything, but I feel disappointed, you know? I mean, I look around and see everyone else who's doing so much better than I am. I laugh it off and make it funny that I've fallen behind, but it does hurt.

Do you know those times when we've biked places and you always sped ahead and wouldn't wait for me? Well, it's those times that I've cried harder than any other. It's not because you left me behind, but because I didn't have the strength to keep up. And I feel that way now. I feel like I'm drowning.

I really just don't feel good enough anymore. Is it really all that bad to want to feel special sometimes? I just want someone to tell me that I am doing a damn good job with my life so far.

Summer has come and past

This first week of school officially blows... your mom.
Anyway, I think it's mostly because I had high expectations for it to be like last year, and obviously it's fallen short. The teachers are really boring. Half of my classes are really awkward because I don't know anyone in them, and the other half of my classes make me want to kill myself because I know EVERYONE in them. Save for lunch, this year is bound to be a killjoy. The only class that I even remotely like is History because I had Herron last year. Kendall is OK I guess, but only because he actually calls me Tree Wizard.

If it weren't for the fact that I had my "free pass" last year, I would completely blow this one off. I mean, I still could, but if there is any chance of saving my GPA at all, it kind of has to start now.


Aside from that, there's really not that much to say. I've been completely bored out of my mind these last few days because the internet is not as entertaining as you would think and, our TV is broken. I've basically just been sleeping, or walking around or eating out of boredom-which, is starting to show.
I know that people make promises to themselves to "get back in shape" and never fulfill them. See, the problem is, my "in shape" was being a gymnast and working out and skill training 6 hours a week, and I know there is no way that I will ever come close to that again. So, right off the bat, I know I can't fulfill that. I just figure that if I make an effort a few times a week for maybe half an hour each time, I'll make some sort of progress, assuming I don't just put it off and put it off and then eventually forget or abandon.

Regardless, I'm pretty much done with things right now. I'm going back to bed.

Wake me up when September ends.

(Yes, I totally did just set that one up, but only because I really wanted to use that line before it got too far into September.)

Girl please, I can see right through those fake colored contacts, your eyes ain't blue

My thoughts on today:

1. Half of my head is bright red.
2. That rhymed unintentionally.
3. Thanks for not being such a dick today (or at least pretending more than usual).
4. I barely saw you at all today. I felt lost.
5. This school year will most likely suck (I'm practically still tied; it's 40/60).
6. I got a letter in the mail that invited me to some prestigious program to go to Australia for 3 weeks next summer.
7. I kind of want to go.
8. HALF OF MY HEAD IS BRIGHT RED.
9. I really have no use for a locker this year.
10. Half of me wants to completely blow this entire year off because of how much I hate it already, and the other half wants me to stick to it and make up for all of my fuck ups last year.
11. RYAN GOES TO OUR SCHOOL NOW!
12. HOLY FUCK! RYAN GOES TO OUR SCHOOL NOW!
13. Things are not going to end well with that whole situation (the premonitions don't help either).
14. 13 is an unlucky number to end a list with, and normally I'm not so superstitious, but with the circumstances, it doesn't hurt.


:/

edit;



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2. OMFGALKDNLKFGSKGLKSDFLKJSDFSLDKFJ:LKAOEIWOIECZ>D
3. 8-DAY OLD BABY! HIS DAUGHTER! xmncvwoeidmvclskdhfaldlwiocnzlnwoe!!!!!