You better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone

Lots of things happening lately.
I didn't know Brad, but the idea that a person can exist and then just, not, is strange to me.
I mean, I've known people who have died,  but this was different. Those other people were old and dying, it was something you expected. This was surprising.
I've put myself in his family's shoes kind of. Imagining that I see him and talk to him and then next thing I know, he's wrapped around a tree in a wrecked car, knowing he'll never sleep in his bed, or wear the clothes in his closet, or do anything he ever talked about doing.

And don't think of me strangely, I went over his facebook to try to get to know him better.
Unfortunate last few posts. Saturday his mom told him to "be home soon and drive safe."
I can't even imagine how she feels when she remembers that.
There were pictures of his 18th birthday. An aunt commented that he needs to "start looking for a job and a place to live."
There was also a picture of a dirtbike that he wanted. He said, "I don't know which one I want, but I'm getting one when I turn 18."

Life sucks sometimes and this has mostly made me realize that plans are useless in the grand scheme of things.

And don't criticize what you can't understand

I'm so tired, of everything really. More like everyone.
I'm tired of the people I'm surrounded by, but I don't have anyone new to cling to.
I feel like I'm still here because I don't know how to be anywhere else.
I feel restless again.


It seems a minute ago I was "still just a kid", and in an instant, an instant I seem to have missed, I'm all grown up now. They've finally decided that I'm all grown up now. I don't know if I like that.
I don't feel like I have any control over anything again.
It's not something I can explain adequately, but my life was something tangible and interesting in my hands and I feel like something has come up out of nowhere and snatched it from me.
I feel weird, and uncomfortable, and bored.


But I like Atlas Shrugged a lot. Finished 1/10th of the book so far, just reading in classes.
Also, Ryan Stevenson has terrible choice in quotes.


Oh the times, they are a-changin'
(cue harmonica)