So you give up every chance you get, just to feel new again.

I'm at school. I'm on a laptop. I feel victorious.
:D


Anyhow, last night was amazing. Absolutely amazing. It was about 7. I'm sorry about what happened before you left. Honestly I am. I don't have to make it up to you, but I will. Anything you like, and I have a feeling I know what that is ;)

We fogged up the windows again, and with the temperature being what it is recently, I can imagine we will for a while.

I love you so much <3 and thank you.

There's about 5 minutes left in class and so I'm gonna busy myself with deleting the cookies from this site and the history so they don't block it next time, and whoever wrote in blue pen on this screen really pisses me off because it's everywhere.



...and nicole is reaally sexy and i like her in my mouth xD
That was nicole :D






****Note:
This post was actually created in school yesterday, but the laptops had to be shutdown before it would post because those computers are insanely slow. So I'm posting it today

Things have changed for me, but that's OK, I feel the same

I had a good day.
Life was easy, I had fun, it was warm and sunny, the leaves were beautiful.
I just want one more day like that, and I want it with you.


Well, my original intention was to dress as Columbia from RHPS, but Halloween is only in a few days and I would need to order it online, and it's rather expensive, I've decided to forego that idea. Instead, Katie, Lizzi and I, inspired by the sluttiest costumes we could find, decided to be pirate whores.
God, I'm so disorganized right now and I have no plan for Halloween really as of yet, I'm wondering if that will even work or if I'll be stuck like last year, just sort of going out and not really doing anything. I don't even know if I can afford a costume at all.
Granted, there is supposed to be a short-notice party, but we don't know where it will be and who to invite. I offered up my house, but I'm not sure if they would let Carl come over because of our whole mess. But Katie can't throw a party and neither can Lizzi, and with Tam, parties always end up kind of sucking. So, unless someone is willing to throw their house into the mix, it might not even happen.



I really missed you today. I'm tired of not being able to see you on weekdays. I wish things were back to normal.
And you still owe me. A lot. Get plenty of sleep, because you're gonna be up Wednesday night.

You're as cold as ice

1. The whole French vs. German thing is completely stupid. I mean, it's fun to argue about sometimes, but you tend to take it a little past its limit. I don't care about who won the wars, it doesn't prove anything. And aren't you forgetting the fact that Germany stands with its tail between its legs every time you mention those wars? At the end of WWI, Germany got beat down and punished for what it did and over the next 20 years just stewed with revenge. Well do you remember what happened when they tried to take revenge? They ended up with Hitler. Sure, he killed a lot of people, and that must be SO great to be known world wide as a butcher. And it must be great to know that the symbol of your country is the most hated man in history. Do you remember what happened to Hitler? He took the coward's way out. He killed himself. And now Germany has been trying in vain to make up for what they did. All they ever do is suck up to the rest of the world and show how much they hate Nazis now.
I'm not saying that France is so much better than Germany, but it's not that important and you really need to let it go. I love you immensely. I mean, more than words can ever describe, but I'm really tired of hearing about this all the time because I can't get a word in edge-wise and when I do, you just shoot it down. Neither country is better than the other, and the past is not how you prove it anyway.

2. You've changed. All you ever do is change. You change to fit the new friends you hang out with in school. You completely forget about everyone else, and adapt to them. If they don't like something about you, you will be something different. It's really pathetic to watch. Besides, you're only friends with anyone when you need them. It's always about you. And you know what else? You're really selfish and desperate. All I've ever seen you do is take and take, but when it comes to giving, you don't. You constantly scavenge for things that other people discard, but you are so greedy when it comes to sharing. It's always 90/10 with you, never 50/50, and I hate being around you because of it. Plus, you have a tendency not to notice how rude you can be, and I hate the way you apologize for it, because you never admit you were wrong, just say that you're sorry and you didn't know, and then you hope that will make it better.

3. You've got something bad to say about everyone. You're never at fault when it comes to other people, yet you like to make your problems known. You do things for attention, and you like to mention things that should be kept to yourself. If you didn't want people to know, don't show it off. Keep people out of your business if you really want it that way. And maybe for once you could keep your mouth shut and be a little objective sometimes.

4. You're sympathetic to everyone and can always relate, but only when they're with you. You have a hard time conveying emotions online or over the phone, and I think you like it that way. You're very private sometimes and it's hard to know what's going on with you, and it seems like no one ever knows directly from you. We always have to find out from someone else involved. It's not a bad thing to keep yourself secret, but it can keep you very distant from everyone you love. Maybe you should try to open up a bit more and you wouldn't have so many conflicts with people.

5. It's hard to tell you when you're making a mistake (and you do it so often) because you're emotions swing so violently. No one ever knows how you're going to take something, and it's hard when we don't want to risk losing you as a friend. You want people to be honest to you, but you have to be open to listening to them. Really just listening, and not taking what they say as a personal attack. We're not saying that you don't know how to handle yourself, and that you can't keep yourself afloat, we just don't like to see you hurt because you're putting all your eggs in one basket. You always put everything you have into who you're with, even if everyone else can see that it won't last. I want you to be happy, but I can't sit by and watch you keep making the same mistakes.

6. I saw you all the time last year, and it's an understatement if I say that it's the opposite. I know that it's not either of our faults, with our schedules being the way they are, but I don't want this to end up like all the other friendships I've had. I'm going to make a point of calling you and seeing you all the time. I don't want you to disappear, because in the times that I do see you, you feel like you've never left. And I also don't want to forget about you, as it so often happens to me. Plus, I still owe you about $20, and I'm going to pay you back.

7. You're an asshole. Truly you are. I can't say it to your face enough. If you can't take the time to be a friend to everyone, you will have no one. Keep that close to your heart jackass, because I keep trying with you against my better judgment, and you keep letting me down. So I'm tired of it. Every time I see you, I won't. You officially don't exist to me, and if you even say so much as one word to me, you will be replied with "Shut up asshole."

8. OH MY GOD SHUT UP. You're life isn't that bad. Your parents don't beat you, or else you wouldn't brag about it. I swear, every other word out of your mouth is about how your parents abuse you. And everything is about you. You can't tell a story about someone else without yourself being somehow involved. You don't talk to anyone unless you're telling a story about yourself, and you don't listen to anyone unless it's about you. All you ever do is brag, and you're a hypocrite and a whore, who would sleep with anyone just to tell about it in the morning.

9.

10. I DON'T LIKE YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER. WE HAVE 2 CLASSES TOGETHER AND THAT IS 2 MORE CLASSES THAN I THINK ANYONE SHOULD EVER HAVE WITH YOU. I REALLY WANT YOU TO TAKE A HINT AND GO AWAY. I'VE EVEN STOPPED BEING NICE TO YOU IN GENERAL AND THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU'D GET IT, BUT OBVIOUSLY THAT DIDN'T WORK.

11. I hate you, so much. You never listen, and I don't know how you even made it into that class. You're so dependent on everyone, and it wouldn't surprise me if you cheated on even a song Quiz. Plus, you complain about Allison not liking you and being mean to you. Have you ever thought there's good reasoning behind that?

12. I'm not sorry that I lost you as a friend. Not even one bit. I'll be fine if I never talk to you again. In fact, I'll be fine if I never talk to any of you again.

I've got what you want and it just don't stop

I saw the dirt,
The dirt I saw,
Who followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the road,
The road I saw,
Who followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the trees,
The trees I saw,
Who followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the sky,
The sky I saw,
Who followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the sun,
The sun I saw,
Who followed me deep into nowhere,

I saw the near,
The near I saw,
When it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the far,
The far I saw,
When it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the space,
The space I saw,
When it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the black,
The black I saw,
When it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the empty,
The empty I saw,
When it followed me deep into nowhere,

I saw the past,
The past I saw,
Where it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the here,
The here I saw,
Where it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the now,
The now I saw,
Where it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the soon,
The soon I saw,
Where it followed me deep into nowhere,
I saw the end,
The end I saw,
Where it followed me deep into nowhere,

I saw the friend,
The friend I saw,
Who I followed deep into nowhere,
I saw the girl,
The girl I saw,
Who I followed deep into nowhere,
I saw the boy,
The boy I saw,
Who I followed deep into nowhere,
I saw the man,
The man I saw,
Who I followed deep into nowhere,
I saw the wife,
The wife I saw,
Who I followed deep into nowhere,

I walked into this nowhere,
Where I followed and was,
And still I am deep into nowhere,

I didn't know at the time

I'm done.

I am forever black eyed; A product of a broken home

I can't deal with this anymore. You promised. I'm still holding you to it.
But know that I need you more right now than I ever have before.
I don't want to be alone.

Some will win, some will lose.

Tonight was a good night. I had fun, everyone had fun, and aside from some incompetence, it went well. There weren't too many people there, but it's not like I expected a huge turnout. No one really goes to those things.

We're 2 for 2. We've got lots of ground to cover and time to waste.

That aside, time to reflect on school. It hasn't really been enough time yet to really give a good overview of things, but I'll touch on the basics. I'm finding that I have a lot less homework and more time to do it in school. I'm making friends, but being alienated by others, and all around kind of lonely. Now, it's no ones fault, so don't beat yourselves up about it (Not that I would expect you to anyway. If you have time to alienate me, you obviously don't care that much). I'm kind of thinking I have SAD, but then again it could be completely in my head. I mean, there have been just as many days where I am inexplicably contented as days that I am unbearably dejected. Hopefully I'll make it through without a scratch on me.
Other than that, I find school generally unpleasant. The teachers aren't terrible, and I'm not overloaded with things. Nor do I have problems with other people, I just find that I don't have the heart to go there like I once did. I don't care about seeing friends so much as I did last year. Aside from Carl, no one really talks to me leastways. I like stage crew, but only when I feel like I'm needed. Not that I would want the world to stop moving forward if I wasn't there, because I know that certainly will not happen and there will always be crew after me, just as there was crew before me. Mostly I'm just mad at myself for not advancing as quickly as I thought I could. I just don't want to be left behind is all. I don't want to be forgotten.

So, that's out of my system and I feel that I can be finished with this post.

If love is a labor, I'll slave 'til the end

The faces you make,
The faces I do,
The rhythm,
The beat,
The noise,
The music,
The light,
The dark,
The motion,
Emotion,
The pleasure,
The pain,
The heat,
The stain,
The pressure,
The feel,
Of skin on skin,
Of fingers entangled,
Of impetus,
Of retaliation,
Insubordination,
Exhilaration,
Joie de vivre,
The heightened sense
Of qui vive,
Of satisfaction,
And afterglow of,
Total euphoria,
And jouissance.

Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did.

I was dead set on seeing you the other night. When I didn't, I can't say that I wasn't crushed. In fact, I fell to pieces. I was mad. At me mostly, but at my Mom as well, for not following simple instructions. Of course I stormed off. Of course I yelled. She shouldn't have intruded. Just because something is wrong doesn't mean I want to talk about it, nor does it mean that I want her involved. If I needed help, I would have asked for it. Well, you can sort of infer what happened here. I got angry, she got angrier. I yelled. She didn't understand. I yelled some more. And then that dumb oaf of a boyfriend of hers figured that he should be involved as well. That made her mad, and him, and me, and none of them would leave, and neither of them could grasp the fact that I was DEALING with it and that I didn't want them.

Well, he held a grudge, she threatened, and I finally got some silence. A few minutes later, they were fighting because he's a hypocrite, and she's a hypocrite, and he only likes me until I show up the authority he doesn't have. Then he whines like a bitch. I won't say I'm not the problem, but neither should they. Hence, why I never went over there. And now that I have to confront this, it's not going to end well, and I can't even run away anywhere. I just have to sit there and deal with it. Don't be surprised if I show up at one of your house's because I need to get away. I could care less the distance.

Anyhow, I went back upstairs because I had decided that I was finally emotionally stable enough to interact with other people. Well, he was still being a bitch, and everything was my fault, and that was exactly why I hate him, and that house, and everyone in it, and myself.

So I called you. And we talked, and I felt better. Although you still have a way of making everything sound so bleak. You need to work on that one-upping. But I still love you. A lot. Everything. I do have you, and you have me, and we have each other, and that's all we need. Right?

You promised things will get better. I'm holding you to it.

"like late at night,
they're not like tremors,
they're worse than tremors.
they're, they're these terrors.
kind of like, it feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat and squeezing and,
I feel...
...sometimes I see flames and sometimes
I see people I love dying, and its always...
...sometimes, I can't, I can't, ever wake up..."

You were the only face I'd ever known

I was the light from the lamp on the floor
and only as bright as you wanted me to be.

But I am no gentleman, I can be a prick, and I do regret, more than I admit, you have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink. Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had is no longer there.

It was the only place I'd ever known
Turned off the light on my way out the door
I will be watching wherever you go through the eyes of a fly on the wall

You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink. Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had is no longer there
longer there

Well, you saw for yourself, the way it played out
For you, I am blinded
For you, I am blinded
for you

I am no gentleman, I can be a prick, and I do regret, more than I admit, you have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink. Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had
Everything we had

I will be with you wherever you go through the eyes of a fly on the wall.

You were the last good thing about this part of town.

I have no words to describe how I feel right now.
Everyone's having problems, specifically in relationships.


Are you happy?

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

(I really really hate that song, but it's SO appropriate)


I thoroughly enjoy the fact that Gary thinks I am bisexual.

Lulz ;)