on a parcouru le chemin, on a souffert en silence,
et je te hais de tout mon corps,
mais je t'adore encore
I think this is the first time I haven't finished an entire bag of gummy bears. I almost feel sick. But I'm not.
It's garage sale day. Maybe I'll find something useful. Probably not.
I remember when I was little I would scrounge up every penny I could find to go to a garage sale with James and my sister. I would never buy much. Maybe something for a dollar or two. One time, our neighbor two doors down, had a garage sale. I bought a glass mug that had Ziggy on it. I still have it. The cartoon is all faded and scratched up. But there it sits on the shelf, standing out among the other uniform glasses. And I'm glad I have it.
Did you ever notice that garage and garbage are spelled exactly the same except without the b?
May 31, 2008
May 30, 2008
and i will keep calling you to see if you're sleeping, are you dreaming? if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
you forgot to call xD
don't worry, i forgive you. but you will still have to make it up to me by seeing me tomorrow afternoon!
don't worry, i forgive you. but you will still have to make it up to me by seeing me tomorrow afternoon!
WHENEVER LIFE GETS YOU DOWN, MRS. BROWN, AND THINGS SEEM HARD OR TOUGH,
AND PEOPLE ARE STUPID, OBNOXIOUS OR DAFT AND YOU FEEL THAT YOU'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH...
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving,
And revolving at 900 miles an hour,
That's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour
Of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way.
Our Galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars
It's 100,000 light years side to side
It bulges in the middle, 16,000 light years thick
But out by us it's just 3,000 light years wide
We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point,
We go round every 200 million years
And our Galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding Universe
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whiz,
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know,
12 million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely it is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
Because there's bugger all down here on Earth.
AND PEOPLE ARE STUPID, OBNOXIOUS OR DAFT AND YOU FEEL THAT YOU'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH...
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving,
And revolving at 900 miles an hour,
That's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour
Of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way.
Our Galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars
It's 100,000 light years side to side
It bulges in the middle, 16,000 light years thick
But out by us it's just 3,000 light years wide
We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point,
We go round every 200 million years
And our Galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding Universe
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whiz,
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know,
12 million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely it is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
Because there's bugger all down here on Earth.
Yesterday seemed 10,000 light years long. I swear I did so much and yet, nothing at all.
May 28, 2008
You've got style, but ain't got soul. Are you happy now? Are you happy?
Hooray for slacking off again. It's fifth hour once again and I am busy not doing my project. I need some sleep. Seriously. I might stay home from school tomorrow, although it would be a little inconveniant.
But I can listen to awesome music and obviously do this. So, that's a plus. Granted I have to give a speech tomorrow and present this French project on Friday.
ICE CREAM SOCIAL AFTER SCHOOL :)
yum.
But I can listen to awesome music and obviously do this. So, that's a plus. Granted I have to give a speech tomorrow and present this French project on Friday.
ICE CREAM SOCIAL AFTER SCHOOL :)
yum.
May 26, 2008
before we packed our bags and left all this behind us in the dust, we had a place that we could call home, and a life no one could touch
I'm sitting here in the dark. I've already made 5 posts today. This will be the 6th. The sun is going down, creating an amber sky, but the dark blue-purple rain clouds cover most of it, giving everything a rosy colour. Sort of a foggy glow over everything. It's kind of nice, but at the same time impending; the rain that is floating heavily overhead. The clouds almost seem to sag with the weight of all of the water. But the earth will soak it in, just like it does every time. And don't we all know it needs it. Today was hot. When it rains, it pours, and I welcome the sight of the far-off rain streaking the clouds like a rope between the ground and the sky. When I was younger I used to believe that I could climb up that rope and sit in the clouds and dump out buckets of water onto the unsuspecting ants of people below. Such wonderful fantasies of childhood don't you think? To stomp around and produce thunder in the heavens. What a joy that would be. If only it were as simple as that. The only thing I was ever afraid of was misstepping and tumbling down. I had a dreadful fear of heights back then as well, but I suppose it never really mattered. Only in my dreams.
The only sounds in my house right now are me typing and breathing. Concentration linking them both together. Trying to find a way to shape what I'm thinking in my head. Trying to write down everything as fast as my mind can think it. It's funny to know that I started this post with an intent to write something, and yet, I haven't even gotten to write it yet. Partially there. I will get there in time. But there are things that come before. And the sound of the fan in the kitchen. Spinning around and around. Off balance, so it creaks as it swings unstably. I wonder when we will replace it. I never quite thought it safe. I always thought it funny though, when the fan would spin at it's highest speed, that if you un-focused your eyes from the individual fan blades, they would simply disappear. But if you were to re-focus on one in particular, you could follow it around endlessly. I remember spending plenty of times at the dinner table watching that fan spin instead of eating. I was never a fan of food really. I'm still not. I mean, it's necessary of course, but, I never eat too much. One regular portioned meal a day probably (including all of the snacks I tend to steal).
I sometimes feel lonely when I go to people's houses and see them eat dinner together as a family. I remember that we used to eat like that every night. Daddy would come home from work, and mom would have dinner ready, and we'd all sit down and eat together. As a family. Then me and my sisters would go to bed, and mom and dad would fight. Most of the time, I think they thought we were asleep, but how could I sleep through that? I remember still, even as young as I was, and with my memory as it is, that the last year or so, we never ate as a family anymore. We didn't go places. We didn't do much. Daddy would come home later. Mom never had dinner ready. Why was it such a surprise when my Dad sat me down on the couch and told us? I cried for hours. I distinctly remember that. And I remember that James was over. I was sitting on my Daddy's lap and James was there on the floor, just watching. I had enough sense at 10 to think that James should just leave. Why was he here? Why can't he just leave? Why is he just staring at me as my life is falling apart? It hit me deep, even though I knew it was coming. It seemed we all knew it was coming. Maybe we were just trying to ignore it? Maybe we thought it would go away.
Well, suffice to say, Mommy left. She took us with her and just left. I do remember packing my things. Living with my grandmother (how could I forget?), a few years of my life wasted. I had no friends in a Westland apartment complex. Every morning driving 20 minutes to school, to pretend as if everything was okay. Well you know what? It wasn't okay. Nothing was ever okay. I celebrated 3 birthdays in that godforsaken apartment. 3 birthdays with no family. 3 birthdays with no happiness. Just crying in my room all night. That is why I hate birthdays so much if you really wanted to know. I used to have nice birthdays. The only memory I have of anytime before I was 9 was on my 5th birthday. The kitchen was all decorated in Pokémon. God, I loved it so much. I got cards, and games, and clothes, and everything I could ever ask for. And then... I can't remember anything after that. Not until a year before the divorce. I know that I've mentally blocked out all of the bad memories.
I used to wonder if it was all a dream. I still do sometimes. Wake up and think that maybe it's better. That I will walk out of my bedroom in that nightgown I used to wear all the time and my Mom will be making breakfast and I will watch cartoons with my Dad before he goes to work, and that it may be 3 hours before I actually have to go to school, but no one minds because I go to bed earlier to do so.
I sat here for a few minutes, basking in the foggy amber glow from that big cloud that was blocking out the evening, thinking that this is all a dream. I got lost in thought.
And then the sun went down.
The only sounds in my house right now are me typing and breathing. Concentration linking them both together. Trying to find a way to shape what I'm thinking in my head. Trying to write down everything as fast as my mind can think it. It's funny to know that I started this post with an intent to write something, and yet, I haven't even gotten to write it yet. Partially there. I will get there in time. But there are things that come before. And the sound of the fan in the kitchen. Spinning around and around. Off balance, so it creaks as it swings unstably. I wonder when we will replace it. I never quite thought it safe. I always thought it funny though, when the fan would spin at it's highest speed, that if you un-focused your eyes from the individual fan blades, they would simply disappear. But if you were to re-focus on one in particular, you could follow it around endlessly. I remember spending plenty of times at the dinner table watching that fan spin instead of eating. I was never a fan of food really. I'm still not. I mean, it's necessary of course, but, I never eat too much. One regular portioned meal a day probably (including all of the snacks I tend to steal).
I sometimes feel lonely when I go to people's houses and see them eat dinner together as a family. I remember that we used to eat like that every night. Daddy would come home from work, and mom would have dinner ready, and we'd all sit down and eat together. As a family. Then me and my sisters would go to bed, and mom and dad would fight. Most of the time, I think they thought we were asleep, but how could I sleep through that? I remember still, even as young as I was, and with my memory as it is, that the last year or so, we never ate as a family anymore. We didn't go places. We didn't do much. Daddy would come home later. Mom never had dinner ready. Why was it such a surprise when my Dad sat me down on the couch and told us? I cried for hours. I distinctly remember that. And I remember that James was over. I was sitting on my Daddy's lap and James was there on the floor, just watching. I had enough sense at 10 to think that James should just leave. Why was he here? Why can't he just leave? Why is he just staring at me as my life is falling apart? It hit me deep, even though I knew it was coming. It seemed we all knew it was coming. Maybe we were just trying to ignore it? Maybe we thought it would go away.
Well, suffice to say, Mommy left. She took us with her and just left. I do remember packing my things. Living with my grandmother (how could I forget?), a few years of my life wasted. I had no friends in a Westland apartment complex. Every morning driving 20 minutes to school, to pretend as if everything was okay. Well you know what? It wasn't okay. Nothing was ever okay. I celebrated 3 birthdays in that godforsaken apartment. 3 birthdays with no family. 3 birthdays with no happiness. Just crying in my room all night. That is why I hate birthdays so much if you really wanted to know. I used to have nice birthdays. The only memory I have of anytime before I was 9 was on my 5th birthday. The kitchen was all decorated in Pokémon. God, I loved it so much. I got cards, and games, and clothes, and everything I could ever ask for. And then... I can't remember anything after that. Not until a year before the divorce. I know that I've mentally blocked out all of the bad memories.
I used to wonder if it was all a dream. I still do sometimes. Wake up and think that maybe it's better. That I will walk out of my bedroom in that nightgown I used to wear all the time and my Mom will be making breakfast and I will watch cartoons with my Dad before he goes to work, and that it may be 3 hours before I actually have to go to school, but no one minds because I go to bed earlier to do so.
I sat here for a few minutes, basking in the foggy amber glow from that big cloud that was blocking out the evening, thinking that this is all a dream. I got lost in thought.
And then the sun went down.
when it gets cold outside and you've got nobody to love, you'll understand what I mean when I say there's no way we're gonna give up
I thought about what you said at the drive-in. When I told you that I wouldn't fuck anyone else and you argued with me that I would. You said that if you died I would go find someone else, but you know that if you died, I would die too. You said that we could go down different paths in life, but you know that's not true either. I love you. That doesn't just die. I will go with you anywhere. I will be with you always. You know that.
I won't fuck anyone else.
I won't fuck anyone else.
May 23, 2008
Et maintenant nous sommes tous seuls
Frustration eats me alive as I search frantically for a familiar face. Now I am alone. In a sea of people, I am alone. Suddenly, someone seizes me from behind. I turn to face my attacker, but relax my tensed muscles. I smile at him as he smiles back at me. Routinely we grasp hands and continue walking. He asks about my day. It’s always the same, but he always asks, and I’m grateful. I need a release. We stop and he interjects before I finish my update.
“Did you write one today?”“Of course,” I say as I move his hand down my body to my back pocket; the right one, with his left hand. He removes the note but his hand lingers. He switches the note from one hand to the next and re-places his hand at my waist as he looks it over. He tries to read the scribbled writing on the outside of the note to no avail. I kiss him softly and then again a little more forcefully. As my face moves away from his, I admire his features.
“Let’s go then, I’m gonna be late,” he says anxiously.
“You say that everyday, and yet everyday, you’re not late. We will get there at the same time we always do.” With that, we proceed down the hallway, dodging slow moving, and still people. I clutch his arm closer to me and tell him I love him. He says he loves me more, but I always argue that he can’t. We keep on the rest of the way in silence, casting occasional glances to each other and smiling felicitously.
“Je t’adore,”
“Ich liebe dich,” we say simultaneously as we round the corner and walk nearer to the line of depart. I hug him as best as I can from the side and he swings me around for a kiss goodbye. He looks me straight in the eye and repeats to me that he loves me, the last thing I see before turning away from him; my arm extended for a final clasp as his hand slips out of mine. His eyes burn into my memory so that when I close my eyes after he leaves, I can still see his face. I have assimilated once more into the fray, and he has exited in much the same manner. And now we are alone. In a sea of people, we are alone.
May 21, 2008
But with this black eyeliner, you'd look finer with each day in hiding
I'm sorry I didn't look so pretty today.
I'm sorry I didn't put on makeup.
I'm sorry I didn't wear the most good looking shirt.
I'm sorry I didn't wear sexier pants.
I'm sorry I haven't plucked my eyebrows in god-knows-how-long.
I'm sorry I haven't worn my retainer in months and two of my teeth are shifting.
I'm sorry I haven't cared to wash my face in a while.
I'm sorry I haven't shaved (anywhere) in three days.
I'm sorry for not brushing my hair.
I'm sorry for not being graceful.
I'm sorry I didn't write a note today in 3rd hour.
I'm sorry I was tired today.
I'm sorry I get mopey at random times of the day.
I'm sorry for ever accidentally hitting you anywhere, or maybe a certain place in particular.
I'm sorry for being so dependent on you.
I'm sorry for ever doubting you.
I'm sorry for ever letting you down.
I'm sorry for not trying harder.
I'm sorry for failing.
I'm sorry for not caring.
I'm sorry for being oblivious.
I'm sorry for ever making you angry.
I'm sorry for ever making you cry.
I'm sorry for ever accidentally hurting your feelings in anyway.
I'm sorry for ever embarrassing you.
I'm sorry for not being perfect.
I'm sorry for giving up.
I'm sorry for being so odd.
I'm sorry I disappoint you.
I'm sorry I hold myself back from you when I should really go all out.
I'm sorry for getting angry at you for my own problems.
I'm sorry for letting myself get upset over something that was out of your control.
I'm sorry that I take your jokes too literally sometimes.
I'm sorry that I hold onto everything.
I'm sorry that I procrastinate.
I'm sorry that I'm forgetful.
I'm sorry that I make wrong choices.
I'm sorry that I choose not to take care of myself some days.
I'm sorry I don't have the best priorities.
I'm sorry that I'm not always thinking about the right thing at the right time.
I'm sorry that I spend my days alone and inside.
I'm sorry that I'm not like everyone else.
I'm sorry that I'm not pretty.
I'm sorry I didn't put on makeup.
I'm sorry I didn't wear the most good looking shirt.
I'm sorry I didn't wear sexier pants.
I'm sorry I haven't plucked my eyebrows in god-knows-how-long.
I'm sorry I haven't worn my retainer in months and two of my teeth are shifting.
I'm sorry I haven't cared to wash my face in a while.
I'm sorry I haven't shaved (anywhere) in three days.
I'm sorry for not brushing my hair.
I'm sorry for not being graceful.
I'm sorry I didn't write a note today in 3rd hour.
I'm sorry I was tired today.
I'm sorry I get mopey at random times of the day.
I'm sorry for ever accidentally hitting you anywhere, or maybe a certain place in particular.
I'm sorry for being so dependent on you.
I'm sorry for ever doubting you.
I'm sorry for ever letting you down.
I'm sorry for not trying harder.
I'm sorry for failing.
I'm sorry for not caring.
I'm sorry for being oblivious.
I'm sorry for ever making you angry.
I'm sorry for ever making you cry.
I'm sorry for ever accidentally hurting your feelings in anyway.
I'm sorry for ever embarrassing you.
I'm sorry for not being perfect.
I'm sorry for giving up.
I'm sorry for being so odd.
I'm sorry I disappoint you.
I'm sorry I hold myself back from you when I should really go all out.
I'm sorry for getting angry at you for my own problems.
I'm sorry for letting myself get upset over something that was out of your control.
I'm sorry that I take your jokes too literally sometimes.
I'm sorry that I hold onto everything.
I'm sorry that I procrastinate.
I'm sorry that I'm forgetful.
I'm sorry that I make wrong choices.
I'm sorry that I choose not to take care of myself some days.
I'm sorry I don't have the best priorities.
I'm sorry that I'm not always thinking about the right thing at the right time.
I'm sorry that I spend my days alone and inside.
I'm sorry that I'm not like everyone else.
I'm sorry that I'm not pretty.
May 17, 2008
we're losing daylight, but i can't work any faster
Feet stamping,
Fists raised,
Dancing for rain,
These men are crazed,
With trust and faith in
Powers that be,
They jump and dance
Their hydrating plea,
The clouds build up and
They chant faster,
Frenzied and dazed,
Obeying their Master
Skies still darken and
Still they call,
Beating and banging,
Making rain fall
Drops fall slowly but they build pace,
Lifting concentration from their face,
Someone stops the pounding bass,
The dancers have all lost their grace,
To rain that each one does embrace,
And dust that mud does replace,
Which tries so hard to erase,
The dry earth that did disgrace,
The rivers that would once give chase,
And the beauty in this wholesome place
I was going to take a jog, went outside and turned around, and realized I should wait. In my boredom, I made a poem.
Fists raised,
Dancing for rain,
These men are crazed,
With trust and faith in
Powers that be,
They jump and dance
Their hydrating plea,
The clouds build up and
They chant faster,
Frenzied and dazed,
Obeying their Master
Skies still darken and
Still they call,
Beating and banging,
Making rain fall
Drops fall slowly but they build pace,
Lifting concentration from their face,
Someone stops the pounding bass,
The dancers have all lost their grace,
To rain that each one does embrace,
And dust that mud does replace,
Which tries so hard to erase,
The dry earth that did disgrace,
The rivers that would once give chase,
And the beauty in this wholesome place
I was going to take a jog, went outside and turned around, and realized I should wait. In my boredom, I made a poem.
May 14, 2008
where were you when I needed you most? why did you leave me alone?
Well, since your cell phone has no minutes and even when it did, I couldn't talk to you for very long, and I can't really talk to you at all on your home phone, and you're practically never online, how do I tell you when something is bothering me? How do I tell you about my problems? How do you ever expect to be there when I need you? Can you answer those questions for me? Or are you too busy to do that?
I don't want to say I'm mad at you, but how else am I supposed to feel when you promise me more time together and I get even less? And just exactly how much more will I see you next week? Because from what I can assume, I'm not going to see you Monday or Tuesday, and Wednesday I won't be able to see you any longer than I usually would (which is only about two or three hours anyway), and since your parents won't let you hang out with someone two days in a row, it eliminates Thursday, which leaves Friday and that's always if-y.
I feel disappointed, somewhat neglected, and a little less than apathetic honestly. How do you expect to make this up to me?
p.s. I guessed wrong again (since I'm not going to see you today)
I don't want to say I'm mad at you, but how else am I supposed to feel when you promise me more time together and I get even less? And just exactly how much more will I see you next week? Because from what I can assume, I'm not going to see you Monday or Tuesday, and Wednesday I won't be able to see you any longer than I usually would (which is only about two or three hours anyway), and since your parents won't let you hang out with someone two days in a row, it eliminates Thursday, which leaves Friday and that's always if-y.
I feel disappointed, somewhat neglected, and a little less than apathetic honestly. How do you expect to make this up to me?
p.s. I guessed wrong again (since I'm not going to see you today)
May 12, 2008
i am god's gift. why would he bless me with such wit without a conscious equipped?
<---------------------------------------
NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS:
I don't know if you've noticed, but I was contacted through my email today about this thing called VerveEarth. Basically, it's a collection of people's blogs from around the world. Blogs of note I might add. And apparently someone from that website happens to think mine might possibly be worth mentioning. So, in any case, I was contacted by them and have joined, and I don't really know what to think of it as yet. It's pretty cool I guess. It gives you a giant map of the world with markers to indicate blogs from certain areas, and you can zoom in to find more. Plus, when you click on a marker of someone whose blog you find interesting, it gives you a listing of their recent posts and information about them. Anyone can join, so if one of you decide you might like to see what it's all about, feel free to take initiative and join. Who knows? Maybe we'll find someone worth reading about.
Anyway, after seeing some of my "competition" on VerveEarth, I decided, no more fucking around. I'm going to make blog posts that are worth reading. Now is the time to pretend that someone important is reading my blog and thinking, "Wow, this shit is really good. This 15 year old girl's got quite a mind (and a mouth) on her," because chances are, someone is. Not that I care though (Which I do a little bit. It's always nice knowing that the things you write about aren't just shitty teenage angst and drama.)
ACTUAL POSTING:
My sister...
...stole my money (Bitch). The best part is:
a.) It wasn't technically mine, although I had enough stored elsewhere to compensate
b.) My parents said that they couldn't prove that she did it, EVEN THOUGH all the facts clearly point to her (Who else could have/would have done it?)
c.) She wouldn't give it back, so I bitched her out, and then my dad got mad at me for making such a big deal out of it. And maybe I did make a big deal out of it, but it's the principle of the thing. She stole my money, lied about it, refuses to give it back, and no one's doing anything about it (which sounds basically like our government)
So basically, I'm going to continually kick her in the shins (NOT the band, although they are quite amazing and subliminally violent, like moi) until she gives me my two dollars *insert far too abused quote from Better Off Dead.* If you've never seen that movie, you should go out right now and rent it or something, otherwise my great jokes are utterly worthless. It's pretty much guaranteed though, that if I go about said plan, I will probably get in trouble, and in reparations, she will receive my two dollars, completely defeating the purpose of me stealing them back in the first place. Parents are, to say the least, ghastly inhuman crooks who just try to screw children out of their hard-earned money by sending out carbon copies of themselves (obviously younger versions) to pussyfoot their way into my wallet and snatch what they feel to be fair compensations of their "care."
I swear, they should all just go jump off of a cliff or something. The world would be a much better place (even if it would reek of decomposition for hundreds of years). I'm sure we could just put them all into the Grand Canyon or something and fill it in. It seems like a nice place to die, anyway. I'd want to be buried at the Grand Canyon if I was old and cantankerous.
NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS:
I don't know if you've noticed, but I was contacted through my email today about this thing called VerveEarth. Basically, it's a collection of people's blogs from around the world. Blogs of note I might add. And apparently someone from that website happens to think mine might possibly be worth mentioning. So, in any case, I was contacted by them and have joined, and I don't really know what to think of it as yet. It's pretty cool I guess. It gives you a giant map of the world with markers to indicate blogs from certain areas, and you can zoom in to find more. Plus, when you click on a marker of someone whose blog you find interesting, it gives you a listing of their recent posts and information about them. Anyone can join, so if one of you decide you might like to see what it's all about, feel free to take initiative and join. Who knows? Maybe we'll find someone worth reading about.
Anyway, after seeing some of my "competition" on VerveEarth, I decided, no more fucking around. I'm going to make blog posts that are worth reading. Now is the time to pretend that someone important is reading my blog and thinking, "Wow, this shit is really good. This 15 year old girl's got quite a mind (and a mouth) on her," because chances are, someone is. Not that I care though (Which I do a little bit. It's always nice knowing that the things you write about aren't just shitty teenage angst and drama.)
ACTUAL POSTING:
My sister...
...stole my money (Bitch). The best part is:
a.) It wasn't technically mine, although I had enough stored elsewhere to compensate
b.) My parents said that they couldn't prove that she did it, EVEN THOUGH all the facts clearly point to her (Who else could have/would have done it?)
c.) She wouldn't give it back, so I bitched her out, and then my dad got mad at me for making such a big deal out of it. And maybe I did make a big deal out of it, but it's the principle of the thing. She stole my money, lied about it, refuses to give it back, and no one's doing anything about it (which sounds basically like our government)
So basically, I'm going to continually kick her in the shins (NOT the band, although they are quite amazing and subliminally violent, like moi) until she gives me my two dollars *insert far too abused quote from Better Off Dead.* If you've never seen that movie, you should go out right now and rent it or something, otherwise my great jokes are utterly worthless. It's pretty much guaranteed though, that if I go about said plan, I will probably get in trouble, and in reparations, she will receive my two dollars, completely defeating the purpose of me stealing them back in the first place. Parents are, to say the least, ghastly inhuman crooks who just try to screw children out of their hard-earned money by sending out carbon copies of themselves (obviously younger versions) to pussyfoot their way into my wallet and snatch what they feel to be fair compensations of their "care."
I swear, they should all just go jump off of a cliff or something. The world would be a much better place (even if it would reek of decomposition for hundreds of years). I'm sure we could just put them all into the Grand Canyon or something and fill it in. It seems like a nice place to die, anyway. I'd want to be buried at the Grand Canyon if I was old and cantankerous.
May 9, 2008
it's been so long that it seems like i've never danced with anyone
HAIIIIIIIII!1!1!11! (says chelsea)
anyway...
I WANT TO BE A GHOST. TO EXIST IN NON-EXISTENCE.
...and i hate matt mann. i've never met him. even before i knew exactly who he was, he sounded like a jackass. now that i have talked to him, my suspicions have been confirmed. not only is he ignorant, hypocritical, stubborn, and one-sided, he has a superiority complex and is completely unjust in his analysis of any situation or person. also, he believes he knows what is best for chelsea in terms of relationships, even though her and i were talking all night about what she wanted of relationships.
i hate everything.
i love you.i mean it this time. all of you. i lied again. some of you
but i love you.
anyway...
I WANT TO BE A GHOST. TO EXIST IN NON-EXISTENCE.
...and i hate matt mann. i've never met him. even before i knew exactly who he was, he sounded like a jackass. now that i have talked to him, my suspicions have been confirmed. not only is he ignorant, hypocritical, stubborn, and one-sided, he has a superiority complex and is completely unjust in his analysis of any situation or person. also, he believes he knows what is best for chelsea in terms of relationships, even though her and i were talking all night about what she wanted of relationships.
- i hate people
- i love you though, don't worry. ((any of you,
no one in particular)that's a lie) i love some of you. others, i am... growing less fond of. you don't know who you are. and i plan to keep it that way. but you can be assured that we will cut each other off slowly, so neither of us realize that we have been cut off. it's the best way to go - i miss you a lot. it shows
- i win at life. forever
- i absolutely adore chelsea dylan cole. i mean, just in case that wasn't already obvious
- i win at making new friends
- i lose at keeping old friends
- *cheers to that*
- i feel myself growing more and more depressed everyday and i can't figure out why exactly
- talking to carl's dad on the way home from track meets made me realize i have no real goals in life
- talking to carl's dad on the way home from track meets made me realize that i don't want to have goals in life
- i find myself less easily entertained
- i love you (this much *motions with arms*) forever and always. more, but equally the same
- summer will be good for the lack of school, curfews, etc; but suck for everything else
- i want to go on vacation somewhere that is outside my state
- i want to go on vacation somewhere that is outside my state with my friends
- my mom constantly pesters me for wearing your clothes around the house but i like wearing them because it makes me feel like i belong to you
- i like making friends with your friends because it makes me feel like i belong in all of your groups and that i am equally as important to you as them
- i enjoy crushing trachaes in a loving way
- i am jealous of all of you for irrational reasons
- most of the time i think that i annoy you all more than it's worth to hang out with me
- i enjoy terrorizing other people
- failing is not something that i am proud of, but frankly in the long run, i don't care
- i scrutinized my sister endlessly for being preppy and for listening to shit music and now that she is looking more like me and listening to all of my kind of music, i wish she would go back to the way she used to be
i hate everything.
i love you.
but i love you.
May 3, 2008
time kills, go ask jesus
7 hours. in a mall. babysitting. walking. waiting. standing. waiting. complaining. 7 hours. in a mall.
all i needed was shoes. practically the exact same pair i had. plus a book to read. grand total= $56. 6 hours left to kill in a mall.
food courting. all i wanted was a smoothie. dairy free preferably. and some tacos. grand total= $10. 5 hours left to kill in a mall.
alone. wandering. searching. for relief from boredom. grand total= $0. 4 hours left to kill in a mall.
4th lap around the 9 districts. alone. wandering. searching. lack of relief from boredom. tired. grand total= $0. 3 hours left to kill in a mall.
babysitting. waiting. watching. standing. walking. waiting. complaining. waiting. standing. walking. babysitting. grand total= $0. 2 hours left to kill in a mall.
waiting. standing. walking. babysitting. babysitting. babysitting. walking. standing. sitting. waiting. boredom. hunger. grand total= $0. 1 hour left to kill in a mall
"OMG where's aeropostle?"
"i don't care."
waiting. looking for aeropostle. boredom. waiting. standing. babysitting. walking. standing. boredom. time to leave? yes. wait, no. yes. wait, no. candy was promised to me. leaving. grand total= $55 (on candy xD). 0 hours left to kill in a mall. 1 hour to kill driving home. in a crowded car with no personal space.
home: stuff in room. unpack stuff from dad's house. phone call. cousin's first communion tomorrow. repack stuff from dad's house. leave. arrive. go to carl's! grilled cheese. scrabble. leave.
tomorrow: (is to be filled in later but basically along the lines of: early morning wake up. one hour of driving. church- eww. babysitting. crappy religious family party)
all i needed was shoes. practically the exact same pair i had. plus a book to read. grand total= $56. 6 hours left to kill in a mall.
food courting. all i wanted was a smoothie. dairy free preferably. and some tacos. grand total= $10. 5 hours left to kill in a mall.
alone. wandering. searching. for relief from boredom. grand total= $0. 4 hours left to kill in a mall.
4th lap around the 9 districts. alone. wandering. searching. lack of relief from boredom. tired. grand total= $0. 3 hours left to kill in a mall.
babysitting. waiting. watching. standing. walking. waiting. complaining. waiting. standing. walking. babysitting. grand total= $0. 2 hours left to kill in a mall.
waiting. standing. walking. babysitting. babysitting. babysitting. walking. standing. sitting. waiting. boredom. hunger. grand total= $0. 1 hour left to kill in a mall
"OMG where's aeropostle?"
"i don't care."
waiting. looking for aeropostle. boredom. waiting. standing. babysitting. walking. standing. boredom. time to leave? yes. wait, no. yes. wait, no. candy was promised to me. leaving. grand total= $55 (on candy xD). 0 hours left to kill in a mall. 1 hour to kill driving home. in a crowded car with no personal space.
home: stuff in room. unpack stuff from dad's house. phone call. cousin's first communion tomorrow. repack stuff from dad's house. leave. arrive. go to carl's! grilled cheese. scrabble. leave.
tomorrow: (is to be filled in later but basically along the lines of: early morning wake up. one hour of driving. church- eww. babysitting. crappy religious family party)
May 2, 2008
May 1, 2008
that clairevoyant stare and grin
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
my Say Anything hoodie came in the mail today :D
it's #899 out of 1200 :DD
i only ordered it two days ago :DDD
it came with a FREE signed cd booklet :DDDD
it's specially made :DDDDD
the hood is lined in silk :DDDDDD
along with the decals on the front :DDDDDDD
i = happy (even if i failed math) :DDDDDDDD
i love it (not more than carl) :DDDDDDDDD
i'm gonna wear it tomorrow :DDDDDDDDDD
my Say Anything hoodie came in the mail today :D
it's #899 out of 1200 :DD
i only ordered it two days ago :DDD
it came with a FREE signed cd booklet :DDDD
it's specially made :DDDDD
the hood is lined in silk :DDDDDD
along with the decals on the front :DDDDDDD
i = happy (even if i failed math) :DDDDDDDD
i love it (not more than carl) :DDDDDDDDD
i'm gonna wear it tomorrow :DDDDDDDDDD
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