she walks away from his apartment and she knows he wont call, even though she's given him everything and everything and everything she has

you son of a bitch.
GODDAMN YOU! didn't you even consider my feelings before you decided to just ignore me? push me aside as if nothing happened, like nothing mattered, like none of that meant anything to you? well it meant something to me. I worked to try to NOT shatter our relationship under the circumstances, and the second you get what you want out of me, you drop me and treat me exactly like you did three years ago. Did you even mean any of those things you said? About seeing you more, and living and having fun, being with real friends, friends who get me and friends who care? Or did you just say that so i would trust you? So i would get close to you and you could manipulate me however you wanted? I feel so used now. All the time i spent with you, talking to you, opening up to you, letting you in. You wormed your way inside and then you broke me. Tore my insides into a million pieces. And it hurts the most because it was you. You, of all people, who knew how afraid i was of opening up because of exactly that reason. Does it feel good to know that you're leaving me in pieces? No wonder you have all these problems with people, you don't know how to be decent to someone who just wanted to be your friend, who wanted to get close to you and care about you the way you seemed to care about them. I see now it wasn't her who didn't try. It was you.
he just wants to tell you how his day was, this is the closest thing he has to love
I thought that was how you felt. I thought you actually cared. All i wanted to do was talk to you, be your friend, and for a while, it seemed like i succeeded. Like all of those years that i had waited for you to even notice me paid off. I just wanted someone who i could turn to and talk to no matter what was happening. But ever since that one day, you barely speak a word to me. You give me no more than a passing glance in the hallway. Why can't you just talk to me? Why can't you be my friend, the way you used to be? When i try to talk to you, you push me away, you tell me you don't feel like it and then i find out you spend the whole night talking to someone else. How is that supposed to make me feel? Did you think i wouldn't find out? Considering i'm friends with her too, that thought was pretty far-fetched. I don't think you have any idea how much it hurts to know that everything we've been through wasn't worth shit and now i'm going to have to lose the person i once thought was you.
your not going to read this i know, but i hope you think about what you did, and i hope you plan on drinking yourself to sleep.

and i'm sick of this scene, i need a break from routine

okay, so me being the genius that i am, i invented a rather fun way to eat peanut butter. you get a small bowl and scoop some pb into it and then you layer it with either hardening chocolate syrup and then just freeze it, or regular syrup and mix it together (or not, whatever you prefer) and then freeze it. Then later you can eat it and it's like a reese's cup. A lot of times i just mix them and then not freeze them and eat it then and there. now go try it. it's good :)

Quoi qu'il en soit, aujourd'hui était moins douloureux qu'hier. il était toujours vraiment mal cependant. Je n'ai pas passé mon essai de maths et j'ai été dans une humeur vraiment mauvaise. Pensez-vous j'aime échouer ? mon professeur d'Anglais parles á moi ce matin au sujet de mes notes. Elle sait que je suis assez futé pour être dans anglais avançé et elle était demandant pourquoi je choisis d'échouer une classe si facile. Tout le monde est déçu dans moi, Même Carl est, et je ne me sens vraiment pas bien. Je sais il veut moi réussis, mais il semblet comme ma maman, mais n'est pas mon amoureaux. Dans les maths, le professeur met les notes que les classes ont obtenues sur les essais sur le tableau et il m'a dit qu'il a supposé que de deux e dans la troisième heure entière, j'étais l'un d'entre eux. Merci pour le soutien.

just try understanding that. you won't (unless you take french because you're a coolface like me) and even still, you won't understand all of it. I'm not saying that i did this all of the top of my head, because i'm not that smart. i sent it to a person who translated it for me.
xP

quoi qu'il en soit, the point being, maybe i dont want you to understand it, but i want to write it down and let people see it.

BOOSH! (that is the correct way to spell it)

i had a nice talk with dakota. we barely even said anything. he stole my lighter. again.
i also found out i type really fast when im high. its crazy!
i also decided after a talk with chelsea, that i need to stop doing drugs. and carl should too. because it's not fair if he's going to get upset that i do them, if he's going to do them too. i dont even do it that often. this is like the second time since christmas really. but thank you for giving it back to me. i love you, i do. SO MUCH.

chelsea told me that if i ever have to go to detox, i am doing it at her house, and NOT at a clinic.
and i agree. i lurve chelsea. thank you dearie.

arigatoo! but i'm pretty sure that i will never have to go into detox.

FRISKY EFFING DINGO!


haha. Boosh. you love it. i know you do.

Katie, Chelsea, thank you guys for staying up with me and tolerating me. I love you tremendously. You have no idea. Maybe it was the e talking or what, but seriously, you guys rule.

p.s. Katie you are such a bitch for showing me all of those trippy photos right in the middle of my high. I nearly died. My eyes exploded. It would have been nice to have somewhat of a warning before BOOSH! my eyes imploded. man is that a fun word, imploded. HAHAH. Naw, but it meant a lot to me that you guys stayed up with me. I didnt get to bed until 2:30-ish actually. At like 1:30 i woke up from a somewhat sleep, and when i looked around everything was all crazy again and i nearly fell out of bed, and from then on i would shut my eyes for what seemed like forever and try to get to bed, and when i opened them, it would be like 2 minutes later. LAME. whatever. im rockin 2 hours of sleep and plan on sleeping immediately after school. My mom's gonna hate me. I dont think i'll wake up until next morning. xD
HOT DAMN
so anyways, last night was seriously fun. I should do it again sometime, and invite chelsea over
xD
no. actually im not going to be using for a long time. Maybe another month or something. So, me and you chelsea. ST. FUCKING PATRICK'S day. We'll do it then. Actually that isn't that far away.
:/
so maybe it'll be like st. patrick's day and then i wont use for like... another two months, in may or something. or i'll wait until june and get high and come to school on the last day! yeah. i'll do that. count on it. i'm a man of my word. except not a man.

ONE LAST THING TO SAY BEFORE I GET READY FOR SCHOOL:
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.
Does that even begin to cover it? Please don't be mad.

NOTE TO SELF:

I miss you terribly.

This is what we call a TRAGEDY

Come back to me, come back to me, to me.

Back to the room where it all began...

Don't even bother reading this. go to my other blog.
now. it has the whole story. and try not to laugh too hard. it fucking sucked.

p.s. im kind of sad that i had to do this on top of my beautiful rainbow panic at the disco lyrics :(

"Man it feels good to feel this way"

I am officially obsessed with this song
and the music video is quite amazing. go watch it on youtube. or their myspace. i think the clarity is better on their myspace. I can't wait for their album to drop. And i still think ryan ross is quite possibly god. brendan urie might just be jesus.

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as lovers can, you know
Yeah we're feeling so good
Picking up things we shouldn't read
Looks like the end of history as we know
It's just the end of the world
Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as love, you could, you can

Into a place where thoughts can bloom
Into a room where it's nine in the afternoon
And we know that it could be
And we know that it should
And you know that you feel it too

‘Cause it's nine in the afternoon
And your eyes are the size of the moon
You could ‘cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good, just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon
Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could ‘cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good

Back to the street, down to our feet
Losing the feeling of feeling unique
Do you know what I mean?
Back to the place where we used to say,
"Man it feels good to feel this way"
Now I know what I mean

Back to the street, back to the place
Back to the room where it all began
Back to the room where it all began

'Cause it's nine in the afternoon
Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could ‘cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good, just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon
Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could ‘cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good, just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon

Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could ‘cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good, just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon

Inspired by waiting in line for autographs

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. (Take that Carl xD)

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends."

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

You almost always pick the best times, to drop the worst lines, you almost made me cry again this time

Another false alarm, red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game and let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out and let you go away for a long time

(totally inconspicuous subject change)

Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!
And the pills go down and get you higher
Baby bottle’s burning, mother fucker
And the mother hates him like the daughter
Only god and maker gripping tighter
Saying you will burn in hell. They say, you will burn in hell!

(another totally inconspicuous subject change)

What if i wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face,
What would you do?
What if i fell to the floor, couldn't take this anymore,
What would you do?

Come break me down, bury me, bury me,
I am finished with you

What if i wanted to fight, beg for the rest of my life?
What would you do?
You say you wanted more, what are you waiting for? i'm not running from you
Look in my eyes, You're killing me.
All I wanted was you

These in no way are directed toward any three people in particular
*cough cough*
(yes they are)
*cough cough*

since the day i met you and all we've been through, still a dick, still addicted to you

i downloaded a asdlfka;lsdkfalksdfl;aksmd;lfkasldfjaslkdj many songs!
hey carl, remember how i was complaining about the quick and the dead songs that i couldnt burn onto a cd? well i redownloaded them a different way and now i can! now if only i had some blank cds.... *fucking sister who decides to burn the same songs over and over again onto all available blanks, adding one new song each time*

and i found out that i really really love these bands called ashcroft and pennylane. i suggest you all go to indievisionmusic.com and go to their downloads section and download their EPs because they are fucxking fantastic!

xD in the process of downloading and transferring all of the songs to itunes, somehow i managed to delete my itunes library, so i had to spend like 15 mins finding it, and then reloading it onto itunes. oh well. *shrugs* it all worked out.

today went okay i guess. im feeling really empty right now. there's just no emotion in me at all. im just kind of here today, not really "in the game" if you get what i mean. this has been happening a lot lately, where im just not all the way here.
but ill get over it. i'll snap back to my usual self soon.